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Dictionary: The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.
Courage as a virtue is like a vehicle that gets you places, it helps you overcome! Courage means to move ahead even when moving ahead seems hopeless. This courage must be centered in our own being; it is the courage of our convictions and underlies all other virtues and values. Without courage we could not exist or transform our society or ourselves. There are four types of courage and we add a fifth called EVERYDAY courage below... 1) Physical courage that does not deal with muscles or violence, but with the body as a way of cultivating empathy and sympathy. 2) Moral courage that takes a stand against violence of any type: physical, moral, spiritual, and psychological. The most frequently experienced form of cowardice is the statement, "I did not want to become involved." 3) Social courage which includes risking oneself to achieve meaningful intimacy, to invest one's time, emotions, energy over time in order to develop relationships. It is the courage to withstand the fear of autonomy, abandonment and self-actualization. It is also the courage to stand up to the fear of being totally absorbed by the other. 4) Creative courage, which includes both the discovery
and the appreciation of new forms, ideas, patterns and symbols. It is
the courage to defy death, not by denying physical death, but by reaching
beyond it through the products of our creative acts. Creativity comes
from the struggle and courage to confront death and to rebel against
it. Courage means seeing death as an injustice and fighting it and all
injustice.
Courage when
you need to fight When you need to stand your ground and fight for your principles, for what you believe in, then you will need courage. What do you do if a workmate pressures you to do something that ordinarily you would not do, perhaps help load stolen goods, or keep a watch whilst others steal? What if your boss tells you to lie for him? Courage is not the lack of fear, rather despite fear, the facing of and the tackling of the enemy. The enemy of course would be anything we fear, ie. heights, small spaces, filling out forms, public speaking etc. Courage is strengthened with confidence in self.
Everyday Courage What is true courage? A sign on the road caught my eye the other day. "Courage is not acting in the absence of fear," it read, "It's acting despite your fears." Time and time again, as the network news shows interview people thrust into courageous situations -- dashing into a burning building, pulling a girl from an icy lake, yanking an unconscious man out of a burning car -- the question is the same -- "Why did you do it?" -- and the answer is usually similar to this: "It was nothing; I was just doing my job," or "I couldn't stand by and watch him die," or "I was scared, sure, but she would have done the same for me." When you get right down to it, a lot of people do some pretty courageous things. This obvious type of courage -- the kind that brings the news crews out to interview the hero -- is simply amazing. Good Samaritans the world over step in to help others in incredibly difficult positions. But there's still another type of courage. I'm fond of reading obituaries -- particularly the kind that are paid advertisements. These obits carry a lot more feeling than the standard newspaper "here's how he died, and here's where the funeral is" type. I like them because they tell something about the person -- where he came from, what she did, what struggles they had -- and I'm forever finding the phrase "died after a courageous battle with" in the obituary. Usually, it's cancer, or heart disease, or kidney disease, or any number of ailments that afflict humankind -- but the "courageous battle" thing always fascinates me. It's wording that's descriptive of a struggle for a human life: a person against pestilence, disease, pain and suffering. Read on: Everyday courage number one: The courage to be happy and optimistic. I can see your mind working -- "It doesn't take courage to be happy," you're thinking -- and partly you're right. Common, everyday happiness comes and goes, usually unbidden, usually unnoticed --but the lasting type of happiness is a conscious thing. It's cultivated, appreciated, shared and remembered. It sticks around, no matter what downturns may come and go. Like a match that lights other matches, it transfers to other people who you may come in contact with. This type of happiness requires courage to have because it requires courage to choose to be happy, in spite of what happens to you. You see, anybody can be happy on a nice summer day -- but it takes courage to remain happy when storm clouds are threatening. It takes courage to remain happy when your life takes a turn for the worse. It takes courage to keep optimistic when things are in a downturn. If we define courage as acting in spite of our fears, then it takes courage to act optimistically in spite of trouble -- and it takes courage to stay happy, even when times are tough. Everyday courage number two: The courage to take on your problems. If you're having money problems, it takes courage to confront them and put them behind you. If you hate your job, it takes courage to go to work in order to put food on the table. If you hate public speaking, it takes courage to stand up before a group, when your job depends on it. These are everyday fears, and they take everyday courage. Does it take courage to look at the scale when you're overweight? Sure. Does it take courage to take on a house mortgage? Of course! Does it take courage to actually work to make yourself better, even though you have no guarantee that anything good will come from it? Yes, it does. Does it take courage to get a medical test, not knowing what the results will be? Even if they may show a terminal illness? Of course -- that's what everyday courage is all about. Everyday courage involves doing things that are good for you -- even if you fear them.
Everyday courage number three: Courage at work. An example: my wife works as a fire inspector. As part of that job, she finds herself in -- shall we say -- unique situations. One day, I asked her what she did that day. "Oh, I was riding on top of an elevator for part of the day," she said. She prowls around construction sites, climbs ladders set into the outside of buildings, deals with pyrotechnic demonstrations, jumps trenches, and takes on companies who are trying to break the rules. To her, it's just part of the job. To me, it's everyday courage. Does it take courage to stand up for your ideas? Does it take courage to be ethical on the job, even when your co-workers are less than ethical? Does it take courage to cold call a customer? Does it take courage to try to be better, every day at work, even when other people seem to do all right even though they settle for mediocrity? Of course it takes courage to do these things -- everyday courage. Does it take courage for a health care worker to deal with death and dying every day? Yes, it does. Does it take courage for a firefighter, or police officer to go to work? Of course it does. Sometimes, it takes courage to just show up for work in the morning. Heck, somedays, it takes courage to just get out of bed. We are -- or should be -- all courageous, in some way, at some time. It may not be the kind of courage that would attract a television news crew, but it's courage, nevertheless -- everyday courage. Respect it when you find it. Cultivate it in your life. The world needs more courageous people, more courageous acts, more courageous leaders. The world -- and us as well -- needs more everyday courage.
How do we develop courage? If we remember that courage underpins other values or that it takes courage to have conviction of one's principles, then it will help us to be determined to train in this regard. Without courage how can we possibly move forward or make progress in being people of value? Throughout history wars have been fought, nations have been overturned and empires have fallen in the name of freedom. People have been willing to die for freedom and did so. Today we face a new form of slavery, there are large segments of humanity determined on thuggery, displaying their enslavement to a form of behaviour. On the other side we have the victims who have become enslaved to the fear of these criminals and live their lives in almost literal prison type homes and communities. Neither of the aforementioned types are courageous. True courage is a form or standard of human dignity that will not buckle to pressure to conform to lowering or enslaving habits. People with courage stand their ground of decency and civilisation despite being outnumbered or being unpopular. That which is destined to overpower the traits of debased conduct, namely the insane need to hurt other people, will evolve as courageous and tenacious adherence to moral values. The time must come when sanity prevails over greed, when pure survival must be calculated on the value of values. The endless debates over wrong and right must give way to common sense decency. There must come a time when we see clearly that the making of more laws creates nothing but more lawbreakers. We will need to live by principles of love as a matter of mutual survival rather than by the invention of new and largely unenforcable rules. How many people today can go through life without the fear of being imprisoned? It appears we have countries, whole peoples who never tread on the criminal path of life! WHY? WHY do we have such low crime in some countries, what do those people eat? or what do they learn in their schools? or what is it exactly that determines their "natural" law-abiding natures? What do we as South Africans turn to as monuments of pride? Are we incapable of decency? NOT AT ALL, we have excellent examples of great people, yet we appear to be outnumbered by those who will tarnish our reputation. If we are to hold our heads up as a people who wanted dignity and fought fearlessly to attain this dignity and freedom, yet find ourselves enslaved to greed and corruption, then we reveal in an amplified message to the world that we are not deserving of such dignity! It is going to take courage, absolute courage and determination to turn around from a backward form of behaviour and face up to being a people who live by values. We must train for it! It is most definitely worth the effort, see why learn values! Let's all unite in a renewed effort to bring prosperity to our nation via values.
We need to introduce moral values education into our schooling system as a matter of urgency! How much longer will we wait and see? It is clear to all that our children are being morally neglected! (see parents page)
Developing courage is overcoming
fears Overcoming Fears: What are fears? What are fears? Irrational beliefs about how an object, event, happening, or feeling will result in negative, disastrous, life threatening, disturbing, or unsettling consequences for you. Result of giving power to your objects of irrational belief, letting them rule you rather than you ruling them. Underlying motive behind many of your actions and lack of action that block your thinking, problem solving and decision making abilities. Negative self-scripts you have either given yourself or that were given to you about how you will suffer dire consequences if you involve yourself in certain activities, behavior, or events. Disabling beliefs you carry in yourself that prevent you from living a productive, healthy, and growth-enhancing life. Underlying foundation of a weak self-image and self-concept; they keep you from fully asserting yourself, and that hinders your quest for self-actualization. Inhibitors, emotional blocks, unconscious messages, and uncovered elements of your psychological make up. They result in your being resistant, hesitant, or unwilling to participate in nurturing, healing activities such as counseling, support groups, or therapy. Beliefs about not only the known elements of life, but also of the nebulous, transient, and unknown elements of life that result in your inability to feel comfortable in ill-defined situations. "Comfortable'' ways of acting and responding. Because of their habitual and well established nature, fears can become second nature; therefore, being extremely resistant to change or alteration. Basis of your negative belief system. If you were no longer the recipient of the negative consequences that the fears predicted, you would have to take off your ``mask'' and become authentic. Excuses behind which people hide to avoid change or growth. To rid yourself of your fears is to rid yourself of the lifelong reasons for avoiding personal growth. What forms do fears take? places: school, church, crowds, planes or enclosed places heights above or below ground animals: snakes, rats, mice objects: guns, knives, computers people: men or women, strangers, homosexuals, making problems or trouble for others, feeling over-responsible, not doing enough for others, losing others, events: nuclear holocaust, war, crime atmosphere: dark, shadowy, gloomy, foreboding, being alone, strange or unknown setting family member: getting ill, being lost, running away disaster: fire, hurricane, tornado, lightening, losing job or being fired, injury or pain (self or others), death (self or others), losing security and financial stability reactions or responses to self: rejection, disapproval, not being liked, being made fun of, disappointing others, being ignored, being the ``real'' you results of taking a risk to do something: failure, success, making a mistake, being judged, repeating mistakes from the past public speaking: taking a leadership role, getting nervous in front of others, making a fool of yourself feelings about oneself: feeling guilty, ``not being good enough'', being unstable or crazy, being held accountable, being pressured to produce, explaining your behavior, being exposed for the weaknesses or failures in your past, being useless or unwanted the unknown: new things, e.g., technology, change, making a decision, growing old alone, retirement, inactivity authority figures: being told what to do, being embarrassed What are some negative consequences of fear? Immobilize decision making. Prevent you from overcoming your insecurity, prevent you from trusting in others, and prevent you from being willing to become vulnerable in order to grow. Prevent you from being willing to let go of old habits or ways of thinking in order to change. Make you resistant to all offers of help from others. Terrify you and make you unwilling to venture out into the world, making you a prisoner in your home. Stifle your motivation to pursue an education or a career. Keep you locked in self-destructive behavior. Prevent you from believing in your chances to become a fully functioning, healthy individual. Be the reason why you find yourself stuck in old ways of acting and believing. Be the roadblock to change and growth; if not overcome fear becomes the patterned way of living an unhealthy life-style. What new behaviors are needed to overcome fear? Refute irrational beliefs Affirm themselves "Let go'' of fear Identify the fear, label it, visualize it, and deal with it as if it were an object or entity to be remolded, changed, or altered. Make an honest assessment of their fear and create a consistent, systematic plan of action to overcome it. Relax physically, reduce anxiety and tension, be able to call themselves into a relaxed state. Establish a sense of confidence in their ability to overcome and deal with the feared objects or events. Be sensitized to the stimuli of the feared object or event. Let go of insecurity, develop trust in themselves and others, and permit themselves to be vulnerable to change and growth. Be persistent in their efforts, recognizing that it may take a lifelong effort to eliminate some fears. Stop or "turn off'' obsessing thoughts about the feared objects or events. Put it into a realistic perspective, so that it is not seen as the major focal point of their energy, efforts, and attention. Allow for discomfort, pain, hurt, and the disquieting emotions of the fear recurring in greater intensity as they initially address the treatment of fear. Accept their human qualities and lack of omnipotence. They will probably be confronting fear for their entire life. It is OK to know this and to accept it as a normal part of the human condition. Maintain the motivation to change and grow. Allow for relapses and set backs without undue discouragement. What beliefs do people with an active fear-led life share? Things are always going to be this way, so there is no use in trying. I'll never change. It is just a waste of time to try. Everyone in my family had the same fears. Why should I be different? I'm so scared of these things. It is impossible to feel differently. There are so many reasons why I should feel the way I do. It is useless to believe I could feel differently. I am a useless specimen who deserves no better than this. These fears are a part of me. I've felt this way forever. It is too much work and too difficult to let go of them. I have no idea what it is I'm afraid of. I only know I feel fear, anxiety, and tension. It takes too much work to overcome all of these fears, so just forget it. Most of the methods used to relax fear are silly and childish. They can't possibly work. I've never been able to get rid of these fears, and I can't do it now. It is impossible for me to picture anything in my mind. The visualization techniques are useless for me. No one can help me with this. Why try? I'll only end up regretting the waste of time and energy in the end. If fear is a fact of life I need to accept, why do I need to learn to overcome it? Wouldn't it be better to just accept it and go on? It is impossible not to think about these fears. I have no way of having a happy life with these fears. If a fear regains strength it is close to impossible to get rid of it a second time. Fear is an unacceptable feeling or behavior; anyone who has fear must be crazy. Steps in confronting fears
Step 2: Once you have rank ordered your fears, explore your level of motivation to confront these fears by answering the following questions in your journal: a. How real are these fears to me? b. How much power in my life do these fears have? c. How do these fears explain past or current actions in my life? d. How do these fears determine my self-image, self-concept, self-esteem? e. How do these fears disable me? f. How do these fears inhibit me? g. What emotions do these fears block? h. How long have I had these fears? i. What have I done to overcome these fears? j. How convinced am I of the need to confront these fears? Step 3: Once you have explored your motivation for confronting your fears, convince yourself of the need to address these fears. On a separate sheet of paper, answer these questions: a. How do your fears influence your decision making process? b. How do your fears encourage and exacerbate your sense of insecurity? c. How do your fears keep you from making a change in your life? d. How do your fears influence your response to offers of help from others? e. How have your fears kept you chained down and locked in? f. How have your fears influenced your educational, career, and work pursuits? g. How have your fears contributed to your self-destructiveness? h. How have your fears affected your belief in a healthy future for you? i. How have your fears kept you from growing as a person? j. How have your fears contributed to an unhealthy life-style for you? Step 4: Now that you are motivated to confront your fears, address the following issues in your journal: (These issues need to be addressed before you can proceed to Step 5.) a. What new behavior do I need to develop in order to confront my fears? b. What beliefs block my desires and attempts at confronting my fears? c. How willing am I to try out new behavior? d. How willing am I to use some of the ``tools'' available to overcome fears? e. What new beliefs do I need to confront my fears? Step 5: Once you are committed to confronting your fears, use tools found in this series to identify strategies in confronting each fear. For each of your fears, list the Tools for Coping tools you can use to overcome it. The Overcoming Fears Tool Box Handling Irrational Beliefs Self-Affirmation Handling Guilt Building Trust Handling Insecurity Letting Go Stress Reduction Spirituality On Becoming a Risk Taker Accepting Change Once you have identified the tools for each fear, use them, addressing your highest ranked fear first. Step 6: As you systematically address each of your fears you may need to use ``thought stopping'' as a technique to cease your obsessing or dwelling on the fear, feared objects, or events. If it is needed, follow these directions:
a. Use the relaxation training and breathing exercises in Stress Reduction to get yourself relaxed. It is important to be relaxed to stop a recurring thought. b. On a tape recorder, record the word "stop'' on alternating 1, 2, and 3 minute intervals for a 30 minute tape. Call yourself into a relaxed state before using the ``Stop'' tape. Then, think of your fear, feared object, or event. Every time you hear "stop;'' stop the thought. Return to the thought again and only stop the thought when you hear "stop.'' Do this for 30 minutes every night for two weeks or until you are able to stop the thought every time you hear "stop.'' c. After you are trained to stop thoughts by using the ``Stop'' tape, you are ready to stop your thoughts by yelling "stop'' out loud. For 30 minutes think of your fear, feared object, or event and yell "stop'' to stop the thought. Once you stop the thought go back to thinking about the thoughts for awhile, then yell stop again. Do this over and over again for 30 minutes each night for two weeks or until you are able to stop the thought every time you yell "stop.'' d. After you have trained yourself to stop thoughts by yelling "stop,'' you are ready to train your thoughts to stop by whispering "stop.'' For 30 minutes repeat the process of dwelling on your fears, feared object, or event, but this time whisper "stop'' to stop your thoughts. Do this for 30 minutes nightly for two weeks or until you are able to stop the thought every time you whisper "stop.'' e. After you have trained yourself to stop thoughts by whispering "stop,'' you are ready to train your thoughts to stop by thinking the word "stop.'' For 30 minutes repeat the process of dwelling on your fears, feared object, or event, but this time think "stop'' to stop your thoughts. Do this for 30 minutes nightly for two weeks or until you are able to consistently stop the thoughts by thinking the word "stop.'' f. Use thinking the word "stop'' to stop thoughts of your fear, feared object, or event from then on. It is a technique that will halt your dwelling on the fearful thought in the future. If the fears recur regularly, return to direction "a" in Step 6 and begin again. Step 7: The use of thought stopping and the other
Tools for Coping tools should help you overcome your fears, or at least
reduce their impact on your life. You will need to be vigilant in confronting
your fears. If, however, you lose faith and become discouraged, return
to Step 1 and begin again. |
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